Too Much Self-Esteem?

Ok, so basically, instead of being inauthentic to others, including our children, about what they can do and who they are, being real and teaching them, in turn, to be real. Knowing that they are indeed strong and powerful and to definately believe that because they most definately are, however, to be real with them, and when they ask questions, to answer them in a clear, real, and honest way. Being positive, always giving constructive authenticity, however, teaching to be realistic instead of "pie in the sky" about who they are and what they can do. Also, instead of doing everything for them, giving them the opportunity to do for themselves, giving constructive guidence to help along the way. This goes for peers as well.

Just the opposite to Chinese parents

They blame thire child when he or she did somethings wrong, using "foolish" "crazy" "pig(a kind of insult in China)"and big word even.

But they often use "you can do it better next time" instead of some courageous words.

Maybe you think our country's people do a right job,on the contrary, Chinese people think your country's people do better than tham.

As an chinese old saying goes:"neighbor's diner is more delicious"

I appreciate to leave a comment here

Chinese student Nathan in GZU

I agree with Mr. Trump on this one. It reminds me of a comment made (perhaps by Mr. Trump) about the danger of rewarding children for just showing up at an event. The example given was that many people feel it is important to give every child a trophy for participating in a junior soccer league, regardless of effort put in or results obtained. We all want kids to feel good about participating, but this establishes a dangerous expectation in the child that moving forward, just showing up is as good as trying your best.

While there are ways to recognize participation, we still need to find ways to reward those who achieve results over those who just participate. Otherwise you will run into situations like some I have seen in business where people expect rewards for showing up to presentations or board meetngs where they don't make a single iota of contribution - yet expect accolates to come their way "because they were present" or they inflate their resume as in "I sit on boards x, y and z".

Participation is very important. However, results are the true measure of success. If we all participated and none of us delivered, imagine where that would leave us!

Best regards,

Harry

Donald

I think I may have accidently sent the beginning of this by accident. I was looking up the spelling of a word and when I went back it was gone. Sometimes even the most simple spellings can escape me.
Anyway, I agree with you kids today have a sense of importance that is out of line. They do not need to come first in everything. At times the best position is falling in where you belong and not necessarily top dog. Not everyone can perform there. They have to keep in mind the order of things. Thier position in that order may be least and that's where they'll excell and learn. Coming in first requires a great deal and if it's not your position you WILL fail. Coming in first requires the knowledge that there are a great deal of other human lives that may depend on you. That you may be responsible too and that weight falls upon your shoulders. If you're out of position you won't be able to handle it. Take the position of president for example. If he/she is out of position people die. Deciding to go to war, a change in economy, social benefits etc. cause human lives which would fall on his/her decisions. Not an easy position to hold and one you had better believe you are called to and not just for glory or personal gain/fulfillment or you'll fail and fail miserably.
This goes for spiritual advisers as well and people who insist on praying for others. (which Muna told Surya she would) Watch your words, your motive, your heart, your actions. Should you really? Do people do this more than they should? If you believe, it can be powerful and deadly and YOU'LL be held responsible. Whether here or hereafter and for all you Christians 1 John 1:9 may not cut it. God may require more. At times he does. Again, what's your true motive? Check your heart. ASK a minister.
Anyway, It seems I'v been seeing this attrribute in the Apprentice candidates and I find I don't like them. AT ALL. But then again it's not my choice. It's yours. Have they been raised thinking they were #1? You know Donald, I really don't like the fact they DO NOT show you the respect they should and you deserve. PERIOD. They don't have to like you though I hope they do. It's your position and the position they desire that requires the respect YOU deserve.
Back to children in general. It's important that children feel wanted and important but not that they always come first. For example, in a family children should NOT come first. The spouse does, then the child or your family is off centered. Parents are #1 they head the family. Whether it be a simgle parent or two. Otherwise the children can easily run the household. I come from a family where my parents ran it. Truthfully, I don't see where kids need all those scheduled after school activities. Is that out of fear? Does it feed the position of most important. Sometimes that's done because it's easier for the parent. Whose raising your kids? Why do you have them? Both my parents worked. They had to. They had 4 kids me being the youngest. My mother started back to work when I was 8 I think it was. Who ever said it was easy? Truthfully in my eyes it's one of the most important jobs you'll ever have and I believe a great deal, if not most, FAIL. Your job is to help form a well rounded child that fulfills his/her purpose in life. We all have a position/purpose in life. Help them find it, fulfill it, no matter what it is. No matter the road. One thing, I don't care for parents telling their kids what they're going to do with their lives. You may not know the route they need to take to get where they need to be. Let them screw up and guide them along the way. Don't bail them. Guide them. If there's a price they pay it not you. How else are they going to learn. If you pay it they won't learn and you could have a spoiled self centered child. Help but choose wisely. If you choose the road, you could lose your child. One thing, I love kids and I spoil them if I can. CARE

Donald one more thing. I love your articles. You make my day.

Jerilynn

we learn, incredible each journey, keep focus and the momentum,
love what you do as succes way and fulfillment, well, each morning at 6 is saint, share the daylight in peace the coffie or thee with an harmonic soul to join the dinner in family and count the blessings, well, as we can teach that in our childrens, they know are special and is enough to make it the daily reality of life too. and much more, Share it and spreading forwards..How many nests know that harmony? I don*t know,
but if where many perhaps wars not thissame, curious, about each religion thissame teach, another path adapted to they*re inclusief geographical position and temperatue(as restriction of types of food..in some regios, the clima temperature with components of difdferent types can afgfect the health isn?, it*s look like evrything it was calculated before, but really now the year we live, we choose to go forward free as Jesus does, ONE pay all the sinns for us, if love as we received beyond measure we are able to spread it forward than even the deserts will be green people busy to work, is soo much work to do... I*m not the proper person to talk nor religion nor others but is the way I want to live, love safety for our childrens no matter where the destiny lead they*re steps..share the mornings and the dinner time, and between do my work with passion as lifepath, conbscious one...
Mr. Trump, even myself wondering where this journeys lead us, thank you for sharing that knowledge, real one and the only we care a life time
fire within. so nice :)
Daniela

That's a bunch of BS. Children can do and be anything they want to.

In order to be a gold medalist of any calibre you would have to start out fairly young though.

Self-esteem is something you work for. Some of these authors have waaaaaaaaaaay too much education and no talent, trust me on that one.

Don't buy that stuid book.

Don't buy that stupid book. The last one went with a typo, caught that out of the corner of my eye.

Oh yeah and generally speaking ie. for the most part people don't do things they don't want to.

I mean don't you think your heat and soul has to be in something 100%. I think so. Otherwise why bother.

Your a real sucker for all this research stuff aren't you?

No one gets anywhere without putting a little bit of effort into it.

If a person even gets the opportunity to get to college that's more than half the battle. Being narcissistic just gives a person a false sense of security.

Go to school, get a good education, save, invest and spend your money wisely. Learn how to golf and have fun in life!

Oh yeah and if you get married make sure you have a prenuptual agreement, that way at least you don't lose everything you worked for.
That includes everybody because it's a vicious world out there and the divorce rate is climbing rapidly trust me on that one!

Speaking of which how is brother Paul doing these days? Glad to hear the Judge really likes him.

Mr. Trump....I hate pretenders that do it to corrupt and destory peoples lives and financises.....I hate women and men like Rosie Odonnel....
I agree with what you....

Lucka is a devil worshipor as well....I have not had sex with a devil worphisher in the past ....on now....I am not gay....I have witches they tear at the very social structure of our country

Urgency and safety is a issue....I have been pretended to been so many negiative things things that are not true...like the hair cut by the way (smile)-

I believe people always misunderstood with appreciative! I believe to our children we must guide them how to be worth person in this world! We can say to our children "You can do everything" after we see their successful. As long our children still live with us, we must guide them, if necessary discipline them to live proper! we must teach how to respect people, how to keep their bedroom neat and many things. Don't be afraid with their anger or grumble. The more their grumble or anger, the more we must take time together with them. So if our children have good mindset, we will not see our children fighting in the street, or crime to the teacher. I hope my comments are valuable for all blogger! Thank you!

Mr. Trump,

about self esteem, marriage and kids generally, look, about the projection we make outside as attitudes or :))) narcisists? i don¨t know,
but the projection we make outside is the way we like to be seen, imagine have in house a person without laugh, ok, what about a too frequent silly one? then what about a too serious one that make feel incomfortable somehow until the right balance is in place as:nothing but the truth! And the truth is that I like to create a brand a new wave with ancian roots as base in order to garden a bit the souls as by magic before the big step of they*re life: the wedding core value with love as basement..You know, a lot of time looking arround and listen from years
life story*s I was wondering the difference in rings of gold and the souls connection which just a quick scan without ask something can see the flowering there or desert?! that*s the problem. I was thinking that generally we did*t know what love is!! is a too hard path to search for!!
and how many think about choose right before say YES or how to walk thissame path as much we can enjoy the ride no blame no hurt no matter what? well, it happend that a idealism of a joung girl to came back on the Earth and see the differences...now, gardening is not a easy work, require time patience love and care, how can we realize a shortcut of learn by doing for our customers as teaching subtle not clases create the triggers between them, make them wait and think about the transformations on the other..you know, they participate into an ancian epoque, we tell them to try and feel the love as egyptians kings, well it happen that as they see and feel it, the new brand way, will love it soo much that will care a life time as safe book for each seasons the life will bless them to have...I was thinking once that we can give them short flyers to choose to play in theyre journing by us, from different personajes each story with his nuances, well, is better one example for all, the best to follow, to make the journey so incredible that they would like to copy it and be better than they ve tried *like play * the egyptian models, but the key is that masterpiece of that brand is something more valueable to prevent that the spoil Godesses forget they*re place and meaning in life, that extra class will be the Master Piece of service providet at least the new childrens that couple will rise will meet the proper welcome as start in a new life, we touch the soul and spirit and the body completion is they*re part and i talk that way to be sure that if into other times gheisha*s way we did*t know about but surelly the harmony in family was not able to realize it, if soo, it was a happy normality of our lifes...so something that is really missing must be replaced with proper care and love and understanding, as much souls we rich with that Dr.Ava know better the huuge clients she have curious to learn about. I like what see in her work veery much, I love also
Terri excelence class in life and teaching, my passion are pyramids and the final result it will be another way of gardening but you know, 2 waves, one stream souls and another water , any how, the many locations will reach that brand, will teach each culture traditions and legends but the base will be thissame, projection on something which can be considered game but what they learn will make the difference.2-nd stream will be the rivers, allways near to the condo towers and what pyramide effect will deliver as quality of this water, as many locations we reach that way, the best! Blue Diamond brand with octahedron as base with another concept in order to build as summ of the ancians, from Feng Shui to pyramide cupola and the 8 pillars thissame for the building as the journey our customers will discover in they*re love life , shortly the missing stone of family nest as basement,blossom of deserts no matter what,the highest as love touch the sky, soo nice it is, Daniela

I think the first point you made is very true, Mr. Trump. I hear professors at this school constantly complain about the fact that if Joe Smith screws up on an exam, Mrs. Smith calls in and all of a sudden it's the professor's fault. The same thing would happen on the Division 1 soccer team I played with. When a child wouldn't play for a few games, the parents would call the coach and complain. Wait a minute, in competitive sports? Just because the kids were pampered in their district doesn't mean it happens everywhere else.

The problem with these kids and college students is that their entire lives they have had everything handed to them on a silver lined platter. Not only do they not know what the word "struggle" means, they also take everything for granted.

I really like the point of view about remaining positive. That is the key to any kind of victory over any obstacle. At the end of the day:

"Mistakes are the portals of discovery." - James Joyce

- Piotr J.

I've been meditating on self-esteem for years and think that it is a very misunderstood concept. A sense of self-importance and a sense of arrogance are more signs of a lack of self-esteem. Se;f-esteem is a process of growth.

The first step in the discipline of self-esteem is to recognize the potential within yourself to do something absolutely wonderful for the world.
Then go forward in faith one step at a time, no matter what the obstacles or the consequences, in order to reach that potential and bring that gift to the earth. (The Story of the Indian Paintbrush, Tomi De Paulo)

Ø Beyond that is the recognition that all people on the earth have brought a similar gift of similar wonder, but that almost all have lost track of that gift through fear, intimidation, and living within the constraints of society. We have to move beyond that to listen to the voice of truth, love, and justice. (Song of the King, Max Lucado)

Ø Realize that there is absolutely nothing that you can do to help others find their gift except to love then unconditionally. This entails universal respect for the dignity of life, for the dignity of the human condition, and the desire to see all people reach their true potential. (Children of the King, Max Lucado)

Ø The only way we can make anyone change is to change ourselves. If we want others to be kinder, gentler, more understanding, then we have to change ourselves, we have to develop the capacity within ourselves to love more genuinely, to have more faith, to be willing to experience self-sacrifice to bring our gift to the world. (The Story of the Blue Bonnet, Tomi DePaulo).

Ø Finally is the humility that comes from realizing that the spirit of self-sacrificial love and the willingness to give the best of all that we have to others, even at the risk of self-destruction, is the only way to find our true selves. It is in that finding that we come to know the discipline of self-esteem (The Story of Jumping Mouse, John Steptoe or Tales of King Arthur).

I have been meditating for years on the Discipline of Self-Esteem. Self-esteem, to me, is a process for growth through life. Here are some of my thoughts from my website where many more of my thoughts on this topic have been collected: http://mysite.verizon.net/res79war/id14.html

The first step in the discipline of self-esteem is to recognize the potential within yourself to do something absolutely wonderful for the world- to know yourself. In other words- you discover your passion.

Then go forward in faith one step at a time, no matter what the obstacles or the consequences, in order to reach that potential and bring that gift to the earth. In other words- you love what you do and never give up.

These are the things that we learn here at Trump University- how to develop these two aspects of the Discipline of Self-Esteem.

Beyond that is the recognition that all people on the earth have brought a similar gift of similar wonder, but that almost all have lost track of that gift through fear, intimidation, and living within the constraints of society. We have to move beyond that to listen to the voice of truth, love, and justice

Realize that there is absolutely nothing that you can do to help others find their gift except to love then unconditionally. This entails universal respect for the dignity of life, for the dignity of the human condition, and the desire to see all people reach their true potential.

The only way we can make anyone change is to change ourselves. If we want others to be kinder, gentler, more understanding, then we have to change ourselves, we have to develop the capacity within ourselves to love more genuinely, to have more faith, to be willing to experience self-sacrifice to bring our gift to the world.

Finally is the humility that comes from realizing that the spirit of self-sacrificial love and the willingness to give the best of all that we have to others, even at the risk of self-destruction, is the only way to find our true selves. It is in that finding that we come to know the discipline of self-esteem In other words, we give back.

Getting to the goal of self-esteem requires discipline. At the same time, as we approach this goal, it helps us to be disciplined. It has been shown that a lot of today’s parents do everything for their children. This does not develop this kind of self-esteem. In fact it does just the opposite. To develop this type of self-esteem involves facing formidable obstacles with strength and courage.
It produces the sense of accomplishment that gives you courage to forge ahead when obstacles get in the way. It teaches you how to climb over, crawl under, or just blow up the mountains that get in the way. If your parents gave this to you, then you are lucky. If they didn’t, then it is something worth discovering.

A Child's learning experience is a sponge that absorbs from examples set by parents and teachers.

Teaching a positive attitude and praising when good deeds and goals have been accomplished is a good thing.

Problems arise when affluent parents tell their kids that they are better than others.

They need to teach the difference between right and wrong. They need to teach that humility and charity are good things.

gea

gea

I agree with Donald about too much self-esteem. The media has been stressing building a child's self-esteem for years and years to help prevent children from feeling worthless and unaccepted. The main cause for this stemmed from school shootings by students who the media portrayed as lacking self-esteem. No, those students did not lack self-esteem, they lacked self respect which is totally different. America is teaching our children to put self first at any cost because children should not feel they cannot accomplish things. Well, here is an eye opener. If we continue to fatten up our childrens image of themselves it will back fire on us all. We will one day have a society of adults who think he or she should be in control of everything. Someone has to follow, we all cannot be the leader. A college graduate should feel confident about his or her own abilities but not think he or she is suppose to walk into a corporation and think he or she can rule. Cockiness gets you thrown out faster than humility. What ever happened to humility as a virtue. We need to go the the Bible teachings and teach our children to be humble. Accept defeat. Accept some failures as lessons learned. Not all players deserve a trophy. Work hard, do your best and the rest will fall into place. Parents, please wake up, open the Bible, and teach the children right. Or you will regret it eventually.

Anita

yes and no Mr. Trump,

everything is very conditional by the vision we gasb and the actions we are taking.
"You've got to be before you can do, and do before you can have. " Zig Ziglar
it all starts by seing the possiblity and being worthy of doing and doing something about it.

Ed Weatherby.....

Donald this is so spot on and amazing that this epiphany comes from a professor at San Diego State University, a city that has parents that are way too PC in how they treat their children in their make believe world.

A world where the score of their daughters soccer match never counts even though the kids ALWAYS know the score. A world where grades do not matter as long as you complete your class work to the best of your ability.

And lastly a world where the children either discovery that they are being lied to by their spineless parents or they get sucked into the pretend world and think everything will be beautiful even though at some point it will not.

They will be fired, non productive employees, whinners, and most of all malcontents that will be continually rescued from their own bumbling by their spineless parents.

If I were Donald I would reach out and grab these kids parents and say

"YOUR FIRED"!!!!!

I really think it depends from which family you come from,

but as a European I see that today in the States, you have a problem with education in general, and spoiling kids does not do any better.

And I noticed that today for an American parent is not easy to raise a child, because it looks that parents don't really have the right to educate them, for fear of being too abusive, so they let them do what they want, I have seen this over and over and it is very disturbing.

Parents should have the right to raise their children as they beleive it is better,

when I was a kid there was not so much attention on making them look like superheroes and I am thankfull it was that way, it taught me discipline.

Most Americans don't have discipline and have no respect for anything but themselves, and many times are naive and superficial,
coming here showed me the reasons of this, BAD EDUCATION.

And in this article looks like Mr Trump is aware of it as well.

Good Manners require discipline and hard work, not a couch with cartoons and snacks, and saying always you are right.

Americans should do something about it.

The Roman Empire fell for the same reasons, too much luxury and pampering (psycological or physical) makes men weak.

With a lot of power comes a lot of responsability.

BRAVO! I am sending this to all my parent friends as sort of a dig for making me have to put up with their bragging that their son will be the next micheal jordan as he scored some points. its supposed to be fun . at a young age kids learn through fun. that is their work and if they are meant to be a basketball star it will just be that. and is the dad or mom a basketball star . if they arent ; they shouldt be walking around telling everyone their kid will be as the kid has no one to look up to as an example to be one. if the kids parents are "nerdy CPA's"(which is not bad but its a fact the kids parents are) he/she is most likely going to be michael jordan and what is wrong with that? we all cant be. I'm not. I am not Donald Trump either but i live my life the way i am and in it i do my best and invest at my pace. but i can sing like no one can and i bet Donald cant. so what?
C

I agree with Donald J. Trump's article 'Too Much Self-Esteem' and
Harry T.'s posting in response to said article and apparently something previous that I sorrily had missed. My husband and I have adopted two precious children through foster care who have special needs and we are constantly weighing out encouragements and not always getting it measured correctly or knowing exactly what direction to lead them toward.
The schools are calling pupils 'stars' before they ever do anything, it begins at kindergarten and repeats at least during the elementary career. They pass out treats as a reward for the accomplishments of basic tasks such as sitting attentively during a lesson, handing in their schoolwork or homework, or for patiently waiting for the bus, instead of asserting authoritative skills that the staff should have learned in their own education. Perhaps that part of their education involved tasks such as roaming about the university or college halls until they found a bag of treats. Those on going standards should not remain acceptable in our children's daily lives.
OUR world's history is documented with many hyperextended EGO's; Adolph Hitler, Osama Bin Laden, Benito Mussolini, Saddam Hussein and Sons, just to name a few.
I think that realistic encouragement without trying to take the easy ways out of the process is the most productive way to raise our children.
Connie H. Spencer-Plante

I agree with Mr. Trump's comments.

Additionally, I see a lot of ARROGANCE and GREED with the younger generation too. It discourages me how small-minded and short-sighted most young "professionals" act. Not sure if it's just folks at my co, or in general.. but I see a lot of it anymore.

Self-esteem is good, but to be real, it must be earned, like any other form of respect.

If one is incompetent or immoral, he knows it somewhere within, and is judgmental toward himself, causing poor self-esteem. There are many tactics to avoid or negate this judgment, but they never fix self-esteem; they just provide a sick pseudo form of it, usually exhibiting as something narcissistic or some other, perhaps diagnoseable, condition.

Self-esteem isn't about winning or losing a single event or a number of events. It's not even about being perfect as a moral individual; it's about self-awareness, self-development, and a commitment to do the right thing and make amends when we blow it.

There is no such thing--and I think you've somewhat implied this--as "too much self-esteem." What appears as too much is actually the symptom that it isn't real self-esteem. And I completely agree that to tell our children that they are perfect princes and princesses is to feed the problem. So is making them "heroes" for mere participation.

For those who want a deep understanding of self-esteem, I recommend any of Nathaniel Branden's books on psychology.

Beyond self-esteem, we also need to have a vision, a mission and goals. Personally; not just in business. If more people ran their lives the way we're advised to run businesses (with a written plan of sorts, an understanding of the field, and the flexibility to change as we learn new truths), we would be better off.

I spent many years working on my self-esteem, digging, struggling to get rid of terrible self-conceptions. Last year, I sat down and put a vision on paper--a true, heartfelt idea of how I would really like myself to be remembered, my accomplishments and my "heaven on Earth." Then goals. Then I developed a mission statement that incorporates all of this. Then milestones for the journey and a strategic plan.

And I've found that now, I am aware of the opportunities that present themselves to me--either that, or I'm drawing them better than before. I know myself, and know what to know about the world. I'm on my way. I still struggle with action, but I know I'll get there...

And honestly, this has done more for my self-esteem--my sense of rightness in the world--than all that digging at the bad.

I also appreciate what you said about keeping momentum. When we run into an obstacle, we should deal and move "through" it. It might give us insight to optimize direction or method, but it shouldn't throw us off course entirely; it should be an advisor about opportunity.

I think you point out some really great things. I think there may be something special about each of us, but that in and of itself does not mean we can achieve anything in life. Nor does it mean other people are not just as special in their own way. I hire people with special talents all the time. And I am thankful that I can find them when I need them the most. They make my world a better place. Over the past year I have hired talented artists, lawyers, researchers. All of them have made my world better.

I think that being real means, even if you have a special talent, that does not mean to take advantage of others in order to build a career. What I mean is, I love writing scripts, but I have always been self-supporting. I never put myself in a position of being a starving artist. I have never called my parents and asked for money to support my talent, to pay my rent, to buy my food, nor to buy gas for the car. In the past 15 years I have not called them for one dime and I am a single self-supporting woman. I have lived on my own that entire time with a roommate here and there. Even in the economy of California I have somehow managed to pay my own bills. I have also been single the entire time..so I do not use men to achieve my goals either.

My point is, there is no excuse for abusing others to achieve your own in life. When you abuse others, most times it comes down to pure laziness. I work a real job, and I write and network in my free time, so that I can pursue my talent and turn it into a career without harming my parents financially. So many people around seem to think if they are talented, or think they are though they are not, that means they can spend mom and dad's money and do what they want until that one day when millions will pour in. I feel parents who buy into this allow their children to make fools of them.

As for roadblocks - it is true that positive thinking can allow one to see ways to deal with problems when faced with them. The other key to roadblocks is knowing who to share that positive thinking with. You share it with the wrong people, then nothing comes of it. You share it with the right people, they can move mountains with it.

I don't agree with this article at all, and I'm really surprised that the man who says "never quit" would agree with it as well.

There is a big difference in telling a child "you can be anything that you want to be" and in teaching them to be conceited, selfish, egotistical, jerks, who just "think" because of some special beauty , social setting , or work environment, that they are more better than the other person.
Goal setting is important, and should be established on what each individual wants to accomplish in life. I don't expect someone who is a basketball player to be at the top of a swimming match. But, if you are going to play basketball, you should do it to the best of your abilities, and with the desire to be all you can be. Too many children today, think they are too good to work, to take responsibility for their actions, and lack determination enough, to really be good workers, honest upright citizens, and motivated business owners of tomorrow. They quite often think they are "due" something, because of who they are. The problem isn't telling our children that they can be all they want to be, but, in getting them to realize, that they should reach for the stars, that any and all performances in life, should be to the best of their own abilities. They need to understand that no matter who they are, that no matter how menial the task or job, the feeling of accomplishing all you can be, only comes with the satisfaction of knowing you have completed a job well done, to the fullest of your capabilities.

What ever happened to positive reinforcement? I disagree with many of the comments on this forum. I do believe that today's parents should continue to call their kids special.

It's better to have overconfidence than not have any confidence. I have friends of mine who's parents always put them down, and they have very low self-esteem and when they face an obstacle in life, they have a hard time believing in themselves. End of the day, it doesn't matter I guess, the winners will always outshine the loosers no matter what their upbringing.

I absolutely agree with this article - I saw the birth of this trend 20 years ago when the Self Esteem trend was prevalent. I agree that self esteem is central to ones confidence and often translates into the way one treats others. But as with many things, the pendulum swings too wide before settling into a healthy range.

I saw children acting as absolute brats that I wouldn't even have in my home, yet their parents told them how wonderful they were, instead of something that said "you are wonderful, but that action is not acceptable"

As a corporate management consultant I am now seeing these children as self centered, narcisstic adult brats destroying not only other individuals but corporate cultures.

Not a good recipe for success. I agree that to be successful takes self determination and focus. I have been extremely successful in my life in a number of ways, But, one can be successful and considerate of others. In fact, most honest successful people will attribute at least part of their success to the input and support of others. Good luck to the narcissist - they will need to like themselves exclusively, as they are in for a lonely life.

I think self esteem is wonderful, but its only leads to great results by taking action. I've known students who had huge self esteems and they thought they are the most magnificant creatures in the earth, but deep inside they were big failures, because when the time came for action, they wil down.
Besides that you only own to yourself with self esteem, you do not need to show it for anybody.

One can approach Self Esteem from two different positions:
A. Self Respect or B. Self conciet
I wonder where the many young men and women now living in Juvenile Incarserations would be, had their parents encouraged them to have Self Respect. Perhaps, they would have become Teachers, Doctors, Lawyers, Scientist, Builders, Developers, Nurses, etc. Teaching a child to have Self Respect, is a good thing because in the end they will have learned to respect their counterparts in school in business, and in marriage.

On the other hand taking on a concieted approach to life, isn't such a good thing. You see, It doesn't translate well among the people they they will meet in school, the business world or in marital bliss.

Mary Pominville

Most of these kids participated in the peace rallies. When I look back to the 60's it was the same trend. No one listened to the kids when they said stop the war.

Of course these kids have esteem. They look forward to a future they might fix when no one else would listen to their peace initiatives.

Schools have taught children to question authority and of course the majority of grown ups are not happy about this.

Still having said this much I have to agree I watched a three piece suit receive insult after injury when he tried to return a product at a local hardware store. I thought to myself with a chuckle, that use to be me getting the bad service in a hardware store as a woman that men didn't value when I had to fix the roof or the plumbing.

Now more and more women are serving men and they are only extending the type of service they once knew. Women are telling men time is money and cut to the chase. And no you can't return that product without a receipt of course not.

What is absolutely hilarious is the fact these men are offended, they never had this treatment before, only the women did. By virtue of a suit they are put out that they are not instantly a success at the customer service counter more over they aren't wearing pants down to their knees of course they are wearing a suit or coveralls filled with evidence of hard work at the grease bay. How dare a woman with clean fingernails roll her eyes when they insist they want their money back.

Who is wasting who's time and money now ? And just who taught who the tough ethics of an absolute business deal no matter what your name is ?

Your Daddy of course !

I am enjoying the new shock and glory that business is business no matter what store is serving you.

Still the kids are very lazy we have to spruce them up a bit ...

So your article while it missed many fine points is true in its nature, the kids need to respect how they perform in someone else's store. More over they need to loose the bubble gum and friends that drop in for a visit while they are on duty.

Which is better a LOW self esteem or a high self esteem? How about balance.

Doesn't it just make sense to allow EVERYONE to just be themselves. if someone wants to go after something...let them. If you have the DESIRE...Go for it.

Jay NaPier

Last semester one of my lecturers told me a story about when he was at an interview for a job with a Sweedish firm and they questioned him on the failed project he had worked on previously. Following his typical Australian answer about everyone doing the best they could, the Sweedish executive said:
"That is the problem with you Australians. You think that just because you're doing your best, then it's good enough."

The real value of this comment for me was the fact that this man was prepared to challenge the Aussie norm. Many Australians realise that our economy is below par and that we are not as efficient as the Americans or the Europeans, but noone is prepared to step out and say it. Society continues on its merry way, lying to its children that Australia is the greatest country in the world and that doing your best is good enough. That is one big reason why many people consider going to Tasmania as having 'gone overseas' and its as far as they ever want to go.

Realism is a very, very valuable lesson to teach children. Sure, give praise when praise is due, but don't overdo it.

All children are precious and deserve to be raised in an environment where their parents are their greatest fans. I feel children raised this way have a much greater chance of success because they are not as likely to be plagued with the 'am l good enoughs'.

Outside the home, a child has many challenges to face in learning to deal with people that may not be as complimentary as their parents, so the family needs to be the nurturing space for them.

Children raised wondering whether their parents love them because they don't get many (and sometimes no) verbal affirmations have this obstacle to overcome which they may take into life with them.

I have spent most of my life working with children in a variety of settings and from my experience, children respond well to genuine words of encouragement. I never miss an opportunity to remind them how great they are, but remember to point out that the child sitting next to them is great too!

If you can develop a healthy self esteem in a child, they don't measure their own self worth against someone else; they are free to be themselves, and allow others to do the same.

With the media constantly feeding girls the line that you're a success if you're popular, look like Paris Hilton and have the latest clothes, l feel positive affirmation that says you're ok 'just because you're you' goes a long way to helping them develop a realistic view of themselves.

Should you tell a child they can achieve anything? I think so. I overheard one of my teachers tell my parents just that (when they themselves would never voice it), and it changed my life!

Linda

Self-Esteem is earned by concientious endeaver.....I love it when someone tells me I am not good enough, or I cant do it, thats fuel man.
When you give false or urealistic accolades you not only lie ,you cheat the child.......in life you dont just have to show up ..you have to roll up your sleeves and and find a way to get it done .....when you get it done there is that feeling we all love to have ...then its on to the next gig.....with momentum..........

Looking forward to that hair cut Mr. Trump! lol

I agree kids are coddled well into their teenage years which is negative for their developement into young adulthood.

How has society changed? What are/were the influences? Kids are well guarded in society as compared to the past. Jungle gyms in the back yard rather than neighborhood kids organizing a pick-up game of ball. The umbilical cord should not reach as far as it seems to.

You forgot to mention there is no such thing as too much self-esteem.

Either you have self-esteem or you don't.

~ as ever

I guess we have to teach children that they have to find out what being successful means ,and that it's not the same for everyone. Life isn't fair and we shouldn't expect it to be, so they should work for their "success" and not think all is wonderful just because they showed up.

He's on point with our education. Unfortunately everyone is afraid to hurt a child's feelings. But there can be only one winner in a race or competition. Not winning doesn't necessarily mean you lose -- you only lost the race or the contest, the experience can still be a winning one. We should teach children to accept the loss but to learn from it, to take it as inspiration to win the next time, get better for next time and realize that although we all have special talents, not everyone has every special talent. It's what they call "the bell curve"

I THOUGHT THAT I WROTE A POST, YET MAYBE IT NEEDS TO BE APPROVED LIKE A FICO SCORE. ALL BARRIER'S CNA BE OVERCOME WITH COMPASSION AND MERCY IN OUR STUDIES. I LISTEN AND TAKE NOTE'S IN ALL ASPECT'S . TRYING TO DISCOVER THE MOTAVATIONAL FOUNDATION OF MYSELF TO REPEAT APATH A THOUGHT A DECISION CAN REVERT ONE'S BASIC WISDOM WHEN SEEKING REAL,TRUTH AND FORCE OF PERSONALITY. REFLECTING ON MOUNTIAN'S COVERED WITH SNOW OR THE LOOKING THE CITY KNOWING THAT WITH CHALLENGE AND ACTION THE NOUN'S OF MY WEALTH CREATION ARE JUST OVER THE NEXT BARRIER WHICH DEFINE'S ALL GENESIS.

I have three grown children, 19, 21, 23 and a son-in-law 25. None of them fit the description in "Too Much Self-Esteem." I can give you a few suggestions why they are that way and one of them is not we were the perfect parents. I have always had the attitude that "it takes a community to raise a child" so I have relied on our community to aid me in that task. If a teacher or another adult corrected my child, I backed them up--most of the time. I spoke respectfully of those adults even when I thought them wrong. I assumed that I had some blind spots to my child's flaws. Next we didn't give them too much materially. They didn't have their own cell phone or computer or car until they were old enough to purchase it themselves or take total financial responsibility for having it. I also was "tough" on them. Not in a mean way, but I expected them to work when they were teenagers. I did this creatively--I cut off their allowances around 16 so if movies were important to you... After they reached some state of solvency then I gave them responsiblity of buying their own clothes. We also gave them responsibility--at age 13 every child had to do their own laundry. I also modeled the behavior that I wanted them to acquire. I kept an authentic spiritual life, strong ethics. I treated others with respect and integrity. They aren't perfect, but all of them are responsible adults--two in college and one in the navy. And my son-in-law is a pleasure as well. Children require attention and real love, not things. They require parents who are tough and model mature behavior.

In the event you actually read comments....I will be brief (truly not my nature). My father was extremely critical in my youth. But he really thought he was doing the right thing and making me stronger...almost challenging me to prove him wrong. With my own children, I made a conscious effort to praise them while also challenging them to take responsibility for their own futures. My oldest son is in his first year at Rolla in the engineering program and is a B-C student. (I think that's good, but encourage him to do better).

Here is a lesson it took me 40 years to learn......"Life is 90% what you make of it....and 10% how you take it." Many times in life, I have faced challenges only to realize that I put myself there by choice. That I am my own worst enemy. How can I whine and complain and expect anything to change when I blame other people for my own problems.

I have taught this principal to my children. I think this is the most important message we can teach young people.

Real Estate Agent
Springfield MO

My wife reminds me on ocassion that she would rather be the one to hurt my kids feelings now rather than have them "slapped" by the real world later when they become adolescents and adults. We strive to be a positive force in our children's lives (we have four boys) but not so much that they lose their heads in the clouds and think everything should be handed to them.

Perhaps it relates to the influence of Thatcherism ?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,3604,1190538,00.html

Enough of the Rosie/Donald saga! Americans don't want to hear it. Please move to higher moral ground and be cautious of your own self esteem.

Can't wait for that hair cut!

Absolutely, I agree; Be real! The more realistic you are the more real your goals become. You can't be the leader all the time, but you can follow the lead.

I completely agree and think the children are very important . Its important to be completely honest with your children at all times, and trying not to spoil them with too many compliments.

An old coworker of mine had a simlar situation and asked for the younger coworkers advice. My advice, tell your spoiled child he needs to get a job and learn to be responsible. Whether it be a life guard, paper route, or working at a store. Children will learn the value of money, and will gain responsibility for handling there own finances, and understanding the importance of hard work. THey will also appreciate there parents more.

What are you looking at? The most beautiful creature on the planet...

That's what I thought. Smart too no?

Hello Mr. Trump,

about being selfcentered and the right balance, well, Mr. Trump, is time for weigh and at what happend here in Spain look, I would be honoured to receive from your part a Master Class in foreclosures. You know, I*ve rented here a 3BR appartment large kitchen and central aria, close to the school of my son . Rent 2 rooms for 400$ in order to reduce the total costs of 750 monthly, underground our closed /safe residential style offer also a parkplace wich until now constantly rented for 65$.not bad.
it hapend that from sommer I*ve got into a continuous spiral down with
the right balance in my life here and that the only good thing realized difficult enough it was that keep boven the water, with investing in myself in that REIT course at Trump University. But I*m now in a very declared foreclosure point, a week and perhaps the home I*ve invested also much to decorate to buy furniture which are not small, so that make me could blood affraid. I don*t like to talk about personal problems but I try to thing your way, is that a blip or a catastrophe. look from a mother alone in the real world point of view, the home for the child that way affect me. so let*s think that is not a catastrophe, is a blip which we can solve it...that*s why I propose 2 approaches which hope take your attention and interest in a good timming(as good example to be followed, thank you in advance):

* exist here in Madrid a aria a very nive one where surprized to discover
such larger appartments, as by declared in contract 350.000m2! is huge,
and they say that are some neighboors wich are not able to maintain such a large building (i imagine the warmth costs in the winter to cover the whole surface, the principal HVAC look old, have also leaks on the walls, but the structure is in a very good condition and perhaps such a appartment can be cut from the central warmth furnace, and implement it apart to avoid the looses warmth and the huge consum it provide that old system available in place..the appartment I*ve seen, lok in veery good shape, is not that one the subject to sale but we can inform from 8 floors available with 2 appartments per floor, so from 16 appartments how many will be for sale ? they say 2-3 minimum..is a building from the shinny days of Madrid so they*re taste and wood preferences for floor as many ammenity*es wich yes in need to renovate it but the value is obvious! avda America zone.
The visit I*ve done there, well an erudit family an between talks, it is interesting to look at the work of Mr. Raimund Pahikkar, a spanish indian teacher recognized worldwide, which last conclusion it was that the very first nest of languages on the Earth where the Sanscrita(India again, look, the form for the highest Tower I did*t give up, no way, but just dreaming how we would like to change the world I believe that help us at minimum to attract the right person in order that step by step the dream become reality.
Mr. Trump, I count hard now on your practicality spirit, and really need help, advice how to deal with that situation at light of speed?!
I*ve tryed to keep your attention with that co branding of the Love Brand Tower (egyptian style and involvement of the pyramides as form and extra feature for the water near us, as location we choose near rivers..)
I*ve tryed to take your attention even with the war in Iraq Iran till Jerusalem too, any how from one year or more I wrote in the blog, really hope that I*ve catched enough your attention in order to know if my mesage now desearve your attention .
I would like to learn more what is to be learned, and my hope for my dreams where that with Trump University it will be possible..
now I talk about problems or unrealistic expectations? the butterfly effect ? :)I hope this situation we can solve it with the right advice , and if from this foreclosure state i*m will decide to give me a chance to learn by doing with Trump Team to solve by work, diferent way.Daniela

Here is an interestinq article about balance,

http://www.laurastamm.com/Important%20issues/Training%20for%20differe...

Although self-esteem is good, and saying you can do better next time are both good character traits in parenting, but I believe a great college education is one of the final keys in building character development.

Nothing is more expensive as ignorance!

Joanne DeHerrera

Parents shouldn't be telling their children they are special & can do anything. I agree in believing in reality. Motivation is nice. Still, not every young girl can beliebve she's going to be a movie star or super model & every young man can't believe he's going to be an astronaut, President of USA, or basketball star. One can't go through life being a dreamer. One has to face the realities of life. This is a good reason why reality shows have become a trend. Now, dreams can come true..but still..one has to stay in check with reality. Then. like you said..IN REALITY..one then has a better chance to achieve goals.

I think that was a wonderful article, because its honest and straight to the point. I think more people should be as straightforward and honest about being able to do anything in life, because I know from experience that this is not true and that we do have limits. It took me awhile to figure this out, because no one told me the truth until now. I guess I was just waiting for someone to write it out in print before my eyes. Limits aren't an easy thing to accept, but we must face the reality eventually. I think we say that people can do anything, because we don't want to set limits. In the end, we all face our mortality so its best to concentrate on what we can do with our lives, rather than mull over what we cannot.

What ever happened to good old fashioned TRUTH. I have always tried to be honest with my children. They had to earn rewards they were not given out for just being there. If they did good they were told they did good and if it justified a reward they got one. The were not rewarded for everything good they did, just the biggies. If they failed we talked about it and tried to find ways to improve for the next time. I never belittled my kids but I never bestowed undue praise either. I think the best road is the one we follow down the middle. My kids were never afraid to try new things and were never afraid of failing and were able to recognize a true victory. Chery in Ontario

We agree. I read somewhere that instead of just building ego. When you want to let your child to feel valued, make sure the comments are connected to actions that portray the values you are trying to build into their character. For example, "Zach, I felt really proud to see you help that little boy find his mom. That shows empathy." I think this is true in the workplace as well. Real self esteem comes from positive action.

Lots of people think self-esteem and ego are the same creature. I think self-esteem is believing in your self, and ego is more like narcicism. Self-esteem is the well-grounded center of a balanced person. Good self-esteem is necessary for healthy interaction with others. Ego is strictly focused on self. The point has been made "There is no 'I' in TEAM"