Financial Infidelity

Wasted life for little cotton and silk.
It would be interesting to incarnate as Gossypium Species (cotton) and be finally happy.

Ina Matijevic

Nobody will think themself as an evil person, so they always have a reason for everything. even Al Capone, Al Qaeda, and the other Al, think them self as a good person, they do it for justice, and I completely agree with you

by the way Donald, about today economy, do you think it's a good time to do an expansion, or wait until april ? I've saw a good opportunity to expand. it's not the best time, but it was a good time. but all my experts advice me to wait until april. I've done all my homework and calculate everything, but my instinct always told me to move.

What about you Donald ? is this the right time to move ?

Thanx

William

I say if the man has already accepted that the woman has that many bags and shoes that he can't tell what is new or used he got what he asked for.

On the other hand if the wife has very little and buys something she can hide then her husband isn't participating in the marriage in the first place.

I have been a kid, I have been a wife, I have been a mother, and in none of these stations could my family return home with an item that I didn't notice was a new purchase in the home.

To participate in a marriage means you interactively spend enough time together to actually be married in the first place.

William Yang based on the industry I have been observing April is much kinder to you who may need some salvage in the end.

When a man does not know the contents of his home he has made no committment to that home in a fashion that is honest and honorable.

I once watched a neighbor build a back shed one summer. He went to all his neighbors in joy and splendor, his wife had just had a baby so don't ask why she wasn't working... but to be sure they didn't have a lot of money they were a brand new family.

My point is he didn't understand how he had just taken all the resources he needed to build a successful family, and sunk it into tools I don't want to imagine how much the tools cost, a shed, and no skills to use all of the above other than a short small list of recreational pleasure and internet how to build a shed for dummies expertise.

But Mr Trump not one person on the face of this planet would hold any distain over this man's big boy toys that just ruinied his family.

Hardware stores make me mad :)

But then I have never purchased a pair of high heel shoes in my life until this year to mark my hours of work. I never wear them, but I did once, at Christmas so that I could remind myself, I was off the clock.

I agree with Mr. Trump. Cowards hide things thinking they won't get caught. The sensible solution is to communicate with your spouse or boyfriend without feeling intimidated. (Why feel afraid of someone you love?) Agree on an amount that you can spend without guilt or unnecessary stress. A partnership is about two people. That means you have the right to
engage in commerce. If he insists upon being a dictator without visionary expertise, ask,
"how long do you think this relationship is going to last?" Most men become visionaries instantly. Under NO circumstances should you deny yourself a new pair of shoes.

Cheryle
exceptionaladvice@gmail.com

Wow! It would be nice to have that much extra cash on hand to even think about doing such a thing. LOL I have known many, many women who are so addicted to shopping that they do this all the time - they get some kind of rush out of shopping in secret. You would think that they would have better things to do with their time, and money. Sometimes they partner up with other women who are doing the same thing. They are in marriages or relationships that aren't working, and they've lost the ability to communicate with their partner, if they ever did in the first place. However, if the woman is making her own money, and all of her financial obligations are met, she should be able to buy things without hiding them from her partner. It's all about communication - when that breaks down, it's time for an overhaul, or, time to part company. Seek some counseling...something!

Reading these blogs, I hear resentment, and "childish" solutions being offered for a problem that occurs in most marriages anywhere in the world. What you purchase doesn't matter. If the husband loves to cook the family meals, he may want to buy Emeril's over-the top pots and pans. Maybe he enjoys knitting and wants to try a computer knitting machine that does the "tough work" for him. Maybe he wants to wear expensive after shave so the women in his office have something to gossip about. Who cares?
I can't see breaking up a family over this. That's selfish and stupid.
Why not find a way to work together to make some extra money for these indulgences? If you have children that can participate, all the better. You will be teaching them how to work out problems in a ceative manner. Never allow money to destroy an otherwise happy relationship. Make this project fun and see what happens.

Cheryle
exceptionaladvice@gmail.com

Cheryle, I didn't think that what I posted was childish, but, you probably weren't referring to my comments.
My point was that if people are communicating, purchases will not be a big deal because each person knows what their partner's indulgences and weaknesses are.
Some women shop to spite their husbands because they do the tit for tat thing...well, he spends so much time on the golf course, why shouldn't I buy this Chanel bag? They rationalize.
I know some women who don't share every purchase with their spouse, and then surprise them with it at just the right time. Maybe it's lingerie, or a hot new dress, or, pumps that she wants to spring on him... because he likes the fact that she has such great taste and enjoys seeing her in gorgeous attire! Some men appreciate covert shopping...and encourage it. Hey, as long as the woman isn't spending the monthly mortgage payment on extras, or, breaking the bank, what's the big deal? If she's spending beyond her means, to keep up with Ms. Jones, and sending you into bankruptcy, then there might be a big problem.
After thinking about this...Mr. Trump, c'mon... women love their shoes and bags, etc... but, buying things isn't the same as having an affair! Not even close! They're not having that intimate of a relationship with inanimate objects. So, I disagree with you... as Cheryle said, it's stupid to break up a marriage or relationship, simply based on that fact. However, if the spouse is overly abusive with her spending, and doesn't want to work toward a solution, then, the relationship might be irretreivably broken. If she is a whiney, spoiled-rotten waste, and has lost touch with reality, then she needs to be cut off. Communication! It's all subjective, though... there are no two situations that are exactly alike.
How about men who covertly spend thousands of dollars at strip clubs? They may be "just looking" but so many of them never tell their spouse that they go...because it's "business." If a guy has a good relationship with his spouse, he'll be able to admit to strip club lunches & gentlemen's club dinners. So, my question to you is... would you consider THAT cheating? If cheating is cheating...then, I would imagine that you would consider that cheating because they are lying about their whereabouts.

Many good comments on the fact that if this occurs the marriage is not that intact anyway.
What struck me about this post is the fact that we are comparing apples and oranges here.
Marriage is a commitment by two people to love one another and to be faithful to one another. When a partner, male or female, is unfaithful, they break that promise- they break the marriage vows. Marriage is also about two people becoming one family- financially as well as physically. Both husband and wife have the right to spend the family's money any way that they please. This 'financial cheating' scenario does not break the marriage vows- and if the marriage contract is considered- it is not even cheating- it is exercising a right. True- it is not good family practice- it is better that BOTH husband and wife consult each other before committing substantial sums to any endeavor- even major business deals. However, either party spending sums of money that they can get in cash and that is not missed in the family budget is a trivial matter. A better example of financial cheating is either partner, male or female, spending large amounts of the family resources on bad habits such as drinking or gambling. Even if it done in the open, it is cheating because it was done without the other's consent. Think that this whole argument shows that Donald Trump doesn't understand the value of marriage, doesn't understand the right of the wife to the family property, doesn't understand the concept of family property, and places money above the marriage. It is also a sexist argument because it assumes that the money belongs to the man, the wife should ask permission to spend, and that the man is the one who wanders.

Donald,

I personally hide nothing, I find that emotional commitment is much like financial commitment.

If I discover a "partner, "lender" or any other financial affiliate that is misleading me, hiding items from me or intentionally decieveing me about any numbered of items in relationship to my financial position - they are directed to the door.

Girlfriend, wife or lover would suffer the same fate.

In so many words, "fired".

Weak is for the weak, power is for the power hungry, perfection is for those already there.

The pleasure is mine Donald.

Lucas
613-334-6375

Why would a woman have to hide her purchases, anyway? Is she afraid of her husband's reaction? Did she spend more than they can afford and so feels guilty? I don't hide my purchases and I am not afraid of my husband. We both have an affinity for bargain hunting at a local surplus and salvage store (Marden's, for you fellow Mainers) and sometimes just for fun, I'll tell him I paid 10 times more for something than I actually did and when he gets his attitude and reactions wrapped around that, then I'll tell him what a bargain it really was. It is fun for both of us. We both earn money and share the bills and we don't ask each other's permission for shopping. Works both ways.

Cheating may be cheating but the price you, as a man, has to pay in the end is a big fat divorce (a woman has tremendous power nowadays) and another quest for a woman.

I say let a woman shop but spy where she's doing it and buy her the exact same things she bought but give it to her as a surprise present.

Guess what? The man in my life died unexpectedly two days before Christmas. Guess where I was? Shopping for a party we were going to have. Through great sorrow, I can only
wonder if he would have had a heart attack if he was in the store with me, watching the
excitement and happy smiles on "fellow shoppers?" I guess, I'll never know.

We didn't have the party. I returned alot of the merchandise to the store. I saw other people
shopping. I was not smiling.

Once again, marriage is not about money. It is about caring and sharing. How can a husband
or wife complain about spending if BOTH of them are doing it together, they spend within
their means, keep free from unnecessary debt, and share joy while doing it?

That's what our first Christmas together was like. What happened? Maybe he checked my
credit card statements every month and complained about the things I enjoyed if they weren't
significant to him. I didn't lie about what I bought, but I didn't get to share the joy with him as I
once loved doing. That is a BIG Infidelity! Cheating me out of the happiness we should feel as
individuals and a couple.
Cheryle

First, what we are talking about is a symptom, not the cause. Both actions are an effort to fill a need. Both actions indicate that something is missing inside. Reconnect with your partner, and the need will diminish. Ever heard the term living on love? When the relationship is good, who needs clothes?