What You Owe Your Kids

That was a very good article...many in the younger generation and even different cultures that now reside in the USA... need to understand basics and to EARN their path.

To help when trouble is their...is the role of a good parent. To be kind to one-other is where we differ. Are we loyal in teaching our children truth. Are we doing more harm than good if we don't teach basics. We are more than happy to give our shirts off of our backs, if it really is in need. That is a difference about this younger generation that simply "want" but will not earn their path.

Where did we go wrong?

Since social trends are cyclical, it is important to remember that families also used to stick around in the same house well into adulthood as well. In other words, we weren't always thrown out of the nest at 18. While it is true that opposition in life can (and mostly does) build strength of character, it can also sink a ship that has not been properly equipped for it. The best thing to do IMO is train your children from the start to become self-reliant, strong and proactive with personal finance being HIGH on the list of integrity-oriented values.

Sometimes it is OK to to do the equivalent of an employer match on your children's aspirations, whether it be a bicycle, college or a home, but it needs to have a well understood limit and cut-off date. Help them pay for college if that is in the cards for them. Help them finance the means to make their own ends. Help them achieve excellence through honest encouragement. Believe it or not, helping a kid can assist in connecting the dots in a kid's mind. If properly done, it will not spoil him/her. This takes effort and thought, but millions do it every year. After all, THAT is what you 'owe' your kids.

I recently told Bill Gates in a email the following:
"While I acknowledge that the computer and the tools of the computer generation have provided us an amazing new world, there is still much to do if innovation and mankind are to live in concert without threat or the potential of harm to each". I sent him this statement along with some comments on my research project here, it is a "research project" I explained, but trying to explain something like that to one of my parents would be like talking to the wall, because in my family of origin, we were not encouraged to go to school, or told that we could really acomplish much of anything. In the world where there is a divorce, or a disability involved it is hard to say what parents owe their kids, I think parents owe it to their kids to be true to self first, and all else should follow. If you happen to be in the world, and find that your parents did not prepare you for it, or pave the way for you to go to school, then I suppose you are screwed. I feel that way a lot, but I have come to understand that even if I had been flooded with money, that I would have never been prepared for the world we live in today. Who could prepare to know what to say to your child who has been kidnapped and isolated, and in that situation what would anyone have me owe her except the courage to keep trying to get the attention of others and see what can be done to help others that might have te same problem? I owe my daughter more than most people might owe their children because of her I got an inner courage to be another kind of woman, a woman with the guts to say something when I think a situation is wrong. Before I had to do that I never did, I just went along with a lot of crap that really was never right. After I had to fight for her, and still get kicked down, I learned that somethings are really worth dying for, and I believe that today- but never knew that place in me before. Having an ideology about who you are and being able to show a child that in any situation you are true to your ideology, but human is what we all owe our kids. Kids today do not know parents, we work all the time, and they are not our focus, we owe them a world that is safe, andwe owe them a belief that they did not come from bad seeds or in divorce we owe them te dignity of loving the other parent without blame, shame or guilt. We owe them courts that are fair in case they ever need them, and we owe them our best ideas, and very best solutions our minds can come up with. We owe them examples of cops not afraid to take a stand fo what is right, even if dad is also a cop and dad is beating up mom, and we owe the kids in those homes the liberty of the blue wall that really gets in the way of letting those children heal after a divorce. We owe our kids schools without drugs, and a chance to be a scholar if they are able, even if people think they should do something else. We owe our kids our very best in all that we deliver, and when we teach them what we owe them by giving them worth dignity and value, we also give them a gift that they can then give to their children. What we owe our kids, is to be the best example of who a human being can be and pursue our own dreams, and be as true to self as we can be, so that our kids will never wonder how to fix a problem later- they will just have the courage to try, knowing that each time they try they get better than the last time, and that is what we may owe them. To be patient but kind, and have them rewarded for a job well done, and if money tells them they are doing well, then you owe them money to express this so that they will know to do that again and again. What we owe our kids is whatever it takes to make them feel like they are worth everything on earth to us, because the world is not going to give them that warm fuzzy feeling, it is going to do its best to chew them up and spit them out- so give give all that you are to the moon and b

I'm a 20 year old African American male and my outlook on life may be simply different from others. One thing I believe is, in many african american homes there's not much talk about finances or just the reality of life. We're so caught up on rap videos that we really don't understand the harshness of life until we're thrown into it. I really believe parents should educate their kids on finances and money management so they won't have to be their childern's personal bank. With me having a wife and daughter at the age 17 I truly realize the importance of money management and smart financial decisions. But I also believe todays economy is so much different now than it was 10 or even 5 years ago. There has to be another approach at teaching our childern about the reality of the real world.

Amen. The same holds true for other family members.

Hand-outs rob children of their self-confidence as they never fully challenged to develop their peak potential.

Jessica Bond
Medical Careerist
http://jessicabond.blogspot.com

This is so subjective when referring to adult-children who live with their parents. Some kids wind up, back at their parents' home because they are lazy slobs. Then, there are others who left the nest before they could even fly...tried to do all of the right things...kept getting involved with all of the wrong people...supported friends or spouses, both financially and emotionally...then, when they wanted to concentrate on their own well-being, the fair weather friends dumped them like a load of bricks, and they were left with no other option, than to ask for the help of their parents...which they felt quite comfortable in doing because they had never asked for anything in their life...so they had some credit built up. It's hard, as an adult, to humble yourself to reach out to your parents if you have always been independent...but, sometimes, if they are able to help, it is your only option. You can opt for homelessness, or, criminal activity if you don't want to bother your parents, but, if you haven't been abusive in asking for help in the past, I'm sure that most parents would rather help their adult-children than let them sleep in the gutter.

It's one thing to play the "tough-love" card, but it is inhumane to mercilessly punish someone for making the wrong choices.

Another thing for parents to keep in mind... don't have too many children, unless you are independently wealthy and have plenty of time on your hands to give each child equal attention.

My parents divorced when I was quite young and I wound up raising myself because of the merged-family (adopted kids, also) situation. Winding up with a bunch of strange kids of all races gave me a great appreciation for all people. However, if you are going to adopt kids and have the Brady Bunch, don't assume that your biological kids no longer need attention. I left home, completely unprepared for the real world. I really thought that everyone was nice. Teach your children that life is not a fantasy world, and that you cannot trust people until they prove otherwise. People will take everything from you if they think you are a push-over. And, if a person is nice, for some reason they are automatically labeled a push-over.

Again, every situation is different... there are a billions of scenarios, and billions of kids. So, if you are paying attention to your own kids, and know who they are... you will know when to draw the reigns in, and when to cut them slack. You will instinctively know if they are being lazy, or, if they have tried their hardest to do it on their own, but need some help. And, make sure that it is your child talking, and not their friends. So many kids lose their identities because they want to have what other kids have, so they think that if they act like other kids, they will get what they have. In other words, instill confidence in your children, and they will be able to make the right decisions, and, when they do mess up royally, they will know that it is not the end of the world. They will dust themselves off, get back up, and do it differently the next time.

Nobody "owes" their children anything! If you've done what you're supposed to do as a parent, then you should never find yourself in a compromising situation. Talk about it. Don't talk to everyone else about it, except them. Tell them how you feel. If a kid tells you that you owe them... then, there must have been a communication breakdown somewhere. Just try to keep the lines of communication open.

Also, if you spoil your kids too rotten when they are young, they will expect that type of treatment to continue forever. I've always thought it was mean for parents to lavish their toddlers and younger children with everything, then, once they stop being "cute"... they are treated like they have the plague. Parents do some very stupid things...they forget that they were once children.

I really don't have a point. There are too many angles on

My father built his empire alone. Born and raised on a farm there was not much to go around. I am proud to say whether I have been a success or not the only money I have ever received from my father was always under a hundred dollars and was for the purpose of celebrating a given holiday or ocassion.

My father does not believe in buying a house for kids, or giving them that first down payment because he knows one can do it without help and tried and true, retirement money is fragile. I am proud of my Dad because he took care of himself on his own, and requires little from his children though his retirement years.

What has this taught me as an adult ?

To do the same for my children so that they don't have to look after me.

Quote from member169681:

"Also, if you spoil your kids too rotten when they are young, they will expect that type of treatment to continue forever. I've always thought it was mean for parents to lavish their toddlers and younger children with everything, then, once they stop being "cute"... they are treated like they have the plague. Parents do some very stupid things...they forget that they were once children."

This is a common factor in the church. One will often find a few select special needs kids who are less than average and for whatever reason the church celebrates this fact and rallies for more funding. Nice profits as it were.

Sadly when these special needs kids come of age they are often institutionalized or worse found homeless wiping their back with used newspapers.

To be sure 'lending' kids money out right sounds like a nice plan, but even if the money is not lent it is surely returned during the burial ceremonies when the bills pile up for the folks' hospital senior home and funeral costs.

Why am I proud, I know my Dad won't leave that worry behind. I may not own a home, but we cost the government next to nothing in our existance. I won't inherit money but I won't owe anything either.

LOL - I Love this article...

My parents definitely created monsters. We have great work ethics and a spoiled at the same time. :-D

"Remember, you brought your kids into this world. It’s only fair you help them navigate it."

-agreed

You are so right! My parents basically bailed me out whenever I needed it, but never taught me to stand on my own two feet. My husband's gave him "loans", and made him pay back what he borrowed. He has a great ethic when it comes to money, and has taught me quite a bit.

Now that we have 2 kids of our own, we want to teach them that money doesn't grow on trees, and the value of a dollar. We've already started giving our 4 year old an allowance ($2 per week) and we help her calculate how many weeks she needs to save to buy something she thinks she really wants. It's a process, but we are determined not to raise them with a sense of entitlement. They are entitled to what they earn - and not to anything else (except free speech, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness).

In considering my initial reply, I thought it was time to open this up a bit- a broad view better suited for the complex issues our youth may face for your review.

By Tammie L Anderson Coffey

A world safe for diversity
A place to learn and grow
In this place they are not
Under investigation
For wanting to explore
Preventing
Minds from growth
A government not invested in
Oppression
A social space
That is aware
Of all the pitfalls
Out in
Our global air
Balloons filled with more than hot air
So when they inhale
It fills their soul with hope
Politicians who speak
To matters as we evolve
Without an agenda
That fills them with gold or oil
Environments that are safe
To learn, grow, and explore
Without anxiety
That the government can take it all
At any time they wish
Because they are the government
Of the people by the people
We all dreamed
Would one day come to pass

That is what you give YOUR kids, along with the keys to our future in global trade, that will carry us into the rest of the world with resolve not fear or oppression.

You said 9 out of 10 parents? Is that a ball park figure, or is there a study you were referring to? I wish everybody took that stand. We would have fewer children with enabling parents trying to make excuses for poor choices in school, and in the courts. My husband likes to quote an old proverb he learned from his Grandmother, "As the twig is bent, so grows the tree." Our job is to give our children the skills and tools they need to be able to navigate and to hold them accountable for their choices. I also realize, not all children are born with the capacity to be self-sufficient due to mental illness or emotional impairment. And some, lose the ability due to accident or illness. This is not always preventable or caused by parents. In those situations, sometimes, parents do have an extended obligation to help care for adult children.

If your adult child encounters a new situation or crisis, I believe it is good to help steer them through the decision making process or help them understand what options they have, and what resources may be available, but never do for them what they can and should do for themselves. However, if small children are in the mix, sometimes intervention is necessary.