Cheating with the Checkbook

Marriage is an equal partnership. But is it for real to split the paychecks. It depends on how much she over-spends in the checkbook...LOLOL

We keep seperate paychecks and seperate checking accounts. A marriage is for ever...is it?
Most of our family members established a joint marriage account for the children. And for that special romantic trips...We just think people try all kinds of ways to over-spend...fooling themselves, but laughing at doing that... Then everybody is mad...LOL

Keep seperate checking accounts for the husband and wife. Might be better than overs-pending and paying over-draft fees at the bank.

No money...left..LOL

I agree, a marriage/relationship is not just about love.... to trust each other is far more important....

I am going to go off on a tangent.

The first question I have regarding this study, is when the person is lying, who is the person managing the checkbook - and are they also trying to excessively "control" the money. Abusive partners try to control everything about a relationship. My second question is why did the person feel a need to lie? So often people doing surveys stop short of gathering the real information needed to interpret what actually needs to be measured. Then, they jump to incorrect conclusions. What is really happening here?

The whole topic of finances is something that takes careful consideration. For instance, did you realize that in Michigan, even if the female opened her checking account, before marrying, the minute she adds her spouses name to the account, he becomes the main account holder? This also applies to mortgages. All transactions are listed under his social security number. This means, if something unforseen happens to the husband, the wife has no credit unless she held independent credit cards or accounts with her name only.

Now, back to your point. A committed relationship should be a partnership which means you work together on decisions about anything that can affect your relationship including money, but neither controls the other. There is not a set arrangement that is appropriate to every couple. You have to develop the system that works for you. Being faithful to your partner goes way beyond just avoiding outside sexual relationships. If you can't talk openly and honestly about what you do, something isn't right in your relationship, or you shouldn't be doing what you are trying to hide.

I remember one time, when a salesperson was trying to pressure me into a decision, I responded, "Let me talk this over with my husband" She replied sarcastically "What! You need to get his permission to spend your money?" No. I don't, but we try to never make big decisions about anything that can affect us without the others input. This is just a matter of respect for the other - not a control issue.

Some spouse's cannot handle the truth, so this activity prevails until communication blocks are overcome. If you want the absolute truth, then make your self approachable!

Then again, it is almost Christmas, and I guess there are moments when you should hide things from each other. Sometimes its nice to be blindsided.

That means 79% of the people in the survey are smart enough to have a financial agreement in place so they pay the expenses and don't have to lie to their partner about their spending habits.Not bad!
The 21% of liers need to smarten up and get their financial house in order. Or maybe they need to "grow up" and act like mature adults that are responsible savers and spenders. If you can't work together then maybe you shouldn't be together. That's the beauty of getting a divorce.

I think both should have money but one should be in control of the main finances. There are some people, I for one, that have compulsive need? to spend, especially on credit cards. My husband has been trying to get us debt free for our entire marriage and I want us to be debt free but I continue to max out credit cards. I am now seeking counseling but I'm afraid it will be to little to late. I have $30000.00 in credit card debt and can not tell you where it went. I have absolutely nothing to show for it.
My husbadn just borrowed several months ago from his 401k to pay off 3 cc and now they are maxed out again. He pays certain bills and then I pay certain ones.Now I am unable to afford the cc payments due to job loss. I have no savings or retirement and can't even afford to by him a pair of socks for Christmas.

I expect this to end in divorce. I don't want it to end that way but I know he deserves to live without the stress and battle of debt. The counseling has just started but the bad thing is, when the new year kicks in, I can't afford the deductibles for the counseling. So, I keep hoping for a miracle, that I would win the lottery(except I don't play) but know that it is hopeless.

I have battled this for years and my husband has stayed with me and I continue to promise to stop and I mean it but then I fail.

I wish he had taken total control of the money until I could have stayed in counseling. It's like a smoker who can't quit. It's horrible.

The best thing I can hope for Christmas is that my husband, when he finds out about the credit cards, is to give me another chance since I am seeking help. I'm afraid it is too little too late though.
He could go so far in his career without me to drag him down about finances. That is the one thing that gets him angry.

I keep praying God will take me off this earth and give my husband the life he deserves but I don't think God wants me either.
I will just have to start riding the little motorbike we have and keep my life insurance paid and hope that my husband will get lucky and God will take me out. Then he can be debt free and won't have to worry about the finances anymore.

I do truly believe that one person controling the money is best. Doesn't mean both don't have money for theirselves but in the long run it is for the best.
Honesty is important and I have failed at that because I was so ashamed of my problem. Now it may cost me the best thing that has ever happened to me and at a time when I can't support myself since my hours have been cut and am on the next layoff list if things don't improve at my work place.

Hmm, interesting discussion. However, just like the current global economic meltdown there are really two ways to view this issue. If you consider your finances to not be a part of your relationship, then yes you are potentially setting yourself up for problems - you've kept something from your significant other.

However, why not make finances part of your relationship? If you spend time together paying bills, planning for future purchases, deciding how much to save, etc. then there will be no way to hide anything from each other. Yeah, I agree that this may not be the most romantic night you've ever had, but it sure can help with intimacy and in the long run that is what makes a relationship work.

Give it a try and see if an investment of time in managing your finances with your partner doesn't turn out to be the best investment (after real estate) that you've ever made.


- Dr. Jim Anderson
<a href="http://www.TheAccidentalNegotiator.com/" title="The Accidental Negotiator Blog">The Accidental Negotiator Blog</a>
"Learn The Secrets of Side-By-Side Negotiating To Get The Most Value Out Of Every Negotiation"

Most people think that they need to control the checkbook in order to wear the pants in the house.

However, if you think about it, marriage is a time when two people DECIDE to tie the knot, so called live together and share everything.

Thus, the controversy stands when we try too hard to leverage on what we believe or what is fundamentally true, without giving the chance for our other half to come up with their thoughts on what they think is fundamentally true to them as well.

Either way, when people don't understand the meaning behind the relationship, they sink deeper into a situation where they cannot find their way out due to the fact that there were too many lies to begin with. When you say for better or for worse, it simply means that no matter what choice your other half makes, you need to be there to support them.

Therefore, let the truth prevail, It always comes out in the end anyway; At least if you stand true to what you think is the truth, you'll realize that you do not need to lie to cover up the truth, because the truth always prevails somehow no matter how you try to hide it.

Matthew Mathan
spirokinetic.com

I feel that the best policy is what's mine is mine and what's hers is hers. My wife has her accounts and I have mine. I was in debt up to my eyeballs when we met. I was foolish when younger to the tune of $75,000.00 plus. I have since found the issues and fixed the issues and am about 6 months from being debt free. I'm sorry but I feel no sorrow for people like member 1899788. Referencing her post about the poor me, my life stinks. The only one that can fix your spending habits is you. Take some responsibility and fix the issues. I was where you are and could never get ahead of the game. Here is some priceless counseling for you. QUIT SPENDING! Cut up all your cards and quit feeling sorry for yourself. That's all I did and guess what; once the cards are gone the debt goes with it. It's hard, and that's an understatement. But once I quit making excuses and decided enough was enough, my life made a 180 degree turn. Now I am money hungry and greedy. I hate to spend my money. I would much rather see it in the bank then on a credit card statement. Sorry for the soapbox but this one is close to home. I am also sorry if it is too harsh.

Hi Mr. Trump!

I like this post. I am going to link to it on my blog Divorce Saloon today. Because it is important. And I would imagine it can, and often does, lead to divorce. "Marriage is a partnership" as you said, and that term has many connotations. I wonder why a spouse might feel they have to hide from the other spouse to go shopping? There's a deeper issue there. Maybe they feel that by being open their spouse will judge them, chastise them? I don't know. In a very tangential way, I think it is like stealing from your marriage when you do that. Stealing from the marital fund. Obviously, some people are just kleptomanics and can't help themselves if they tried. But others? Could there be a communication problem in the marriage that drives them into hiding? In which case both parties might need counseling of some sort? Just a thought...

By Marion TD Lewis, ESq.
www.divorcesaloon.com

Looking from the outside, it is difficult to be married, having to collaborate. I have been engaged the last few months, a little messed up. When single you check out properties and different small businesses. You can move to Brazil if you want and probably should. Married, big purchases and obtaining jobs in different cities need collaboration.

Some spouses are TIGHT. One horror story is my aunt was married to a doctor, radiologist and osteopath, not really wealthy, high-middle-class. She had to ask permission to buy yarn to knit. Another aunt had a worse story. Her husband did as well, but was SUPER-TIGHT. Drastically needed things endangered. You can do without yarn and married women don't really have time to knit. Finance is a touchy subject. We all have wants and needs, not just to keep up with the Jones. When the budget is tight couples fight over the mad money. They probably fight over every dollar. Pretty scary on the outside looking in. It's scarier single.